Last Friday I had the priviledge to lead my Cell Group in Bible study. The subject was on "Build your Forgiveness Muscle". I did some research and was delighted to deliver this piece which I shall share with you as follows.Recap: Tonight we are doing the 4th lesson in the series. In the first 3 lessons we touched on 3 types of choices, important choices that confront us in our daily living, choices that could make or break us.
Yes, choices that if you made them correctly will change your life. We have discovered:
1. A new perspective on Interruptions and how to use them “Interruptions as God-appointments,” specifically as opportunities for us to be used by God to minister healing to those around us who are hurting.
2. That “Obedience over Control” isn’t a weakness and there are intangible benefits of doing things God’s way. Think of the many times we obeyed God and the blessings that came.
3. Last week, we learned what “real compassion” is (it is not just an emotion (sympathy) but goes further, it’s an action), and if we pursue it over convenience, the blessings that will be released can be beyond our imagination!
Tonight, we continue in the series “Choices That Will Change Your Life” and the choice before us in essence to me is “The Divine Command to forgive, are we obeying it? Are we building up our forgiveness muscle”?
A big topic to cover; appears awesome at first sight but when you get down to it (with faith) it is not that awesome as it first appeared. To break the ice and set your minds thinking, I will start by giving this short introduction.
We have heard of an IQ, an EQ. Some people have a high IQ but low EQ. Others, high on EQ moderate on IQ. Some, low in both. Where you stand I shall leave that to you.
Now I wonder if you’re tested on a Forgiveness Quotient (FQ) how would you score. Think about it.
Yes, tonight we shall look at the importance of forgiveness and on how to build our forgiveness muscle, modeling after Jesus. No doubt, modeling after Jesus is not going to be easy but is there another way?
Testimonies of godly men and women past and present have shown that when we make decisions based on Christ's example and biblical principles, instead of on mere emotions and off the cuff, we build confidence, hope, and courage.
We are empowered to take positive, life-changing action, then what happens? Our lives are transformed in a way we never thought possible. We become a better person. Isn’t that wonderful? Hallelujah!
Before going into the depth of tonight’s lesson, anyone of you want to define what “forgiveness” is? What does it mean to you? Why is it so difficult to forgive?
First, let me tell you what forgiveness is not, i.e. what lies on the opposite side. On the opposite side of forgiveness lie resentment, jealousy, hatred, anger and revenge. Correct me if I am wrong, these feelings of remorse/ unforgiving which are pent up inside of us (if not released) are waiting for a right time to explode!
Question I want to ask is, “Is there any gain by harboring unforgiveness or having an unforgiving heart?” Who suffers the perpetrator or the victim? I ask you, isn’t there a better way to live than this?
Somebody once said, “Being angry at somebody is like throwing hot coals on the other persons with your bare hands”. It hurts both, the thrower actually gets the brunt of the burns (imagine hot coals on bare hands!)
When it hurts inside and you are unforgiving, my advice to you is simply this. Take a step back and ask yourself 2 pertinent questions.
1. “What good or hope has hatred, jealousy, anger and resentment ever brought?
2. “What problems have ever been resolved by revenge or unforgiveness?”
Can’t think of anything good, can you? On the other hand, the good that’s released from forgiveness can be incredible! Think about it, but don’t rush.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as “to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt.”
But I like this definition from Wikipedia which says:
“Forgiveness is the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.”
The story given in our Study Guide is a one about gossip, a story about character-assassination, exaggeration and bad-mouthing maybe even slander of people you know, resulting in a lot of unpleasantness, unnecessary hurt and anger all over where sometimes the perpetrator don’t even know. Of course “talk is cheap” but who will suffer?
Try never to hold a grudge for too long, why? I think it will eat your heart out that’s why!
We can release all those pent-up feelings of ill-will (they do us no good) by seeking God in prayer. And I think God will say, yes in one word, forgive. How do we do it? Here are 4 simple steps:
1. Acknowledge and go through your pain (i.e. first tell the true story of exactly what happened, grieve over it fully if you must), then
2. Get rid of your resentment. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.
3. Reach out to the offender with love and compassion.
4. And forgive. (Just let go whatever hurts that’s left with God’s help)
I tell you, you will emerge a better person.
Now, let me relate to you a real story about the beauty and grandeur of forgiveness.
It is a story about Nelson Mandela, one who needs no introduction.
We all know that he fought against the racist system of apartheid in South Africa and was imprisoned for 20+ years. When he got out, he harbored no ill will and became South Africa's president in 1994. He did not emerge from prison a bitter person. He forgave those who imprisoned him and pursued peace. In fact, his attitude of forgiveness helped South African transition from a rule by whites only to a true democratic system. Afterwards, the Truth and Reconciliation Committee was set up to uncover the facts of South African apartheid and to forgive those involved. Desmond Tutu, who presided over the commission, wrote a book about it called “No Future without Forgiveness”, which is worth reading if you're interested.
I want to tell you another one (a true story of forgiveness about one Sue Norton) but I am afraid that time does not permit. Check that out from Google if you want.
You see my friends; to be able to forgive is not a weakness. In fact it takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive.
Mahatma Gandhi said this, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” And Mahatma Gandhi wasn’t weak at all when he advocated a principle of non-violence to achieve political and social reforms (the fight “right against might” in a peaceful manner). Remember his famous quote, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." To him all violence was evil and could not be justified. Using non-violence to pursue reforms required incredible faith, courage, and forgiveness. He rose to become the founding father of a nation, a great leader, in fact the greatest that India ever had!
You’ve probably heard the saying, “To err is human, and to forgive is Divine.”
Of all of the human qualities that make men in any sense like God (Christ-like), none is more divine than forgiveness. Indeed, you are never more like God than when you forgive for to forgive is divine, a God attribute and not man’s. That’s why it’s so difficult for man to forgive. We must ask God to give us this divine gift to forgive, everyday.
Haven you noticed that our God is not only a God of love; He is also a God of forgiveness. The God of so-much more, that’s our God. Amen?
Modeling Jesus let me quickly run thru’ the best known teachings and practices of forgiveness as given in the Bible.
The Parable of the Prodigal Son is perhaps the best known instance of such teaching and practice of forgiveness. The character of God's forgiveness is seen here as eager, lavish, loving forgiveness, and not holding anything back. That’s the kind of forgiveness we are asked to emulate.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus repeatedly spoke of forgiveness, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5:7
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.” Luke 6:27-29
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25)
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
Do all these teachings from our Lord Jesus mean anything to you? For more let’s read from the Bible, Matthew 18:21-35. There will be questions later.
In Matthew 18: 21-22, "Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven).”
Known as The parable of the Unmerciful Servant, it concludes: “In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:34-35) The severity of chastening for one who doesn't forgive is clearly demonstrated. (See also Matthew 6:14-15). What do you make of it?
The message is reiterated in Ephesians:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Conclusion:
We must all learn to forgive for forgiveness is a good thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting, doesn’t it?
Research has shown that forgiving actually lowers blood pressure. It reduces the strain on your heart. It certainly reduces depression, anger and stress as well as makes people feel more hopeful and happy.
In short forgiveness is good for the body, mind and spirit. Not only that but when we have a forgiving heart, one that’s abounding in loving kindness, it fulfills the Divine Command to forgive. (Note to forgive is paramount in the Lord’s Prayer).
Someone once said, “There are two kinds of errors that we make: errors of commission and errors of omission. It is said that the latter ones bother us more in life.” Looking back at our lives, how many times have you (or have I) failed to forgive when forgiveness is due?
For without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of hurts, resentment and retaliation. These are the chains that bind us; we must break free from these chains and learn to live as God would want us live.
So, in conclusion let me say this to you: Face-up and have the courage to forgive; let go, build up your forgiveness muscle, then you can live a life that’s truly abundant and free! And in all these actions I pray, may God be with you.
Thomas Watson wrote many years ago a very interesting statement. He said this, “We need not climb up into heaven to see whether our sins are forgiven. Let us look into our hearts and see if we can forgive others. If we can, we need not doubt that God has forgiven us.”
Let’s pray together.
